When You Look Strong but Feel Worn Out: Why It’s Time to Give Your Body and Mind a Break

You’ve built a life on being capable. Competent. Reliable.

People see you as the one who handles it all. The one who keeps things together. The one everyone can count on.

And yet… your body tells a very different story.

The voice in your head is super critical, hyper-focused on the "what ifs", replaying conversations from the past and rehearsing responses for the future.

Maybe you catch yourself twirling your hair, tapping your foot, or clenching your jaw.

Maybe your shoulders are always up by your ears, even when you’re sitting still.

Maybe the second you get home, you crash hard—because you’ve been holding it together all day.

When you finally do rest, you beat yourself up in your mind about what is not getting done.

Maybe you intellectually “get it”—why you feel this way—but your body and subconscious hasn’t gotten the memo.

Sound familiar? You’re not broken. You’re just tired of carrying everything.

You’ve Been the Strong One for a Long Time

You’re used to:

• Doing things yourself because it’s faster (or safer) than relying on anyone else

• Keeping a confident front, even when inside you feel like collapsing

• Anticipating problems before anyone else notices

• Carrying the emotional load for everyone else

That’s a skill. A survival strategy. A superpower.

But it’s exhausting. And eventually, your body starts screaming: I can’t keep doing this.

Your Intellectual Mind Gets It—But Your Body and Emotional Mind Aren't There Yet

Many of my clients are smart, self-aware, and reflective.

You know your patterns. You understand your triggers. You’ve done the work.

And still—your nervous system hasn’t caught up.

Because insight alone doesn’t reset years of stress, hyper-vigilance, or self-reliance.

Your body holds what your mind already understands.

And that tension, that bracing, that “I have to do it all myself” instinct?

It’s still running the show.

Insight Alone is Not Enough...

Think of your nervous system like a car.

You might know everything about why the engine isn’t running properly—you’ve read the manuals, you understand the mechanics, you can explain every little problem in detail. But that knowledge alone won’t make the car start. You still have to actually fix it.

Your body works the same way. You can intellectually understand why you over-function, why you brace, why you dismiss your wins—and still feel tension, anxiety, or exhaustion. Your nervous system has been running on high alert for years, and understanding alone won’t reset it.

EMDR Intensives are like getting the tools and the garage time to actually fix the car. In this case, to be clear, you are a Ferrari.

EMDR Intensives give your body and emotional mind the space, focus, and support to unwind old patterns, release tension, and finally sync up with the confidence your intellectual mind already knows you have.

This Work is for You If You Recognize Yourself Here

• You look confident, but inside you feel shaky

• You dismiss your wins almost automatically

• You crash when no one is watching

• You struggle to trust others to step up

• You feel guilty asking for help

• You’ve been doing it all yourself for years and you’re exhausted

If any of this hits, you’re not weak—you’re human. And your nervous system is asking for a reset.

Here’s What We Actually Work On

• Connecting the dots between your present day pain and past unresolved experiences

• Leveraging your strengths to move through the tough stuff

• Letting go of the need to control everything without panic

• Releasing tension you’ve carried for years

• Healing the instinct to hide overwhelm behind competence

• Unwinding emotional labor and over-functioning

• Shifting from constant bracing to actually feeling safe

• Learning to accept support without guilt

---

I want to be very explicit with you about "the work" of intensive EMDR with me.

This isn’t about talking in circles or “thinking differently.”

It’s about giving your body and deep inner emotions the chance to finally catch up with what your mind already knows.

It is alignment.

It is reclaiming parts of yourself that have been left behind in the hustle.

And then evolving beyond just "coping".

---

What It Feels Like

An EMDR Intensive is focused, grounded, and steady. Most clients often feel anxious at first and then ease into the rhythm of the work once we get to know one another.

It’s a chance to:

• Slow down without guilt

• Breathe without bracing

• Let go of tension you didn’t even know you were holding

• Feel support without losing autonomy and agency over yourself

Most people leave saying:

“I didn’t know I could feel like this.”

"I laughed and cried at the same time, which was confusing but also freeing.”

“It’s like the puzzle pieces in my head are finally lining up.”

“I had a memory I thought was long buried, and facing it actually freed me."

“For the first time in years, I don’t feel defined by my past.”

“I’m noticing shifts in how I see myself… and it feels possible to keep changing.”

“I’m allowed to be soft and strong at the same time—today proved that.”

“I left some of the weight behind, and I’m not even apologizing for the mess it took to get here."

What Could Change for You

You might notice:

• Your shoulders drop, your chest opens, and your body relaxes, even when you are handling the day-to-day.

• You can celebrate your wins without brushing them off

• You can ask for help without guilt

• You feel safer in your own skin

• You stop collapsing after social interactions

• You stop bracing for the next thing to go wrong

It’s not about becoming a different person—it’s about feeling different from the inside out.

You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

You’ve been strong for a long time. And that strength got you far.

But healing doesn’t require the active strength of holding it all together.

You get to rest.

You get to soften.

You get to finally let your body and mind sync up.

If you’re ready to stop surviving on tension and start living with greater ease, joy, and self-leadership, an EMDR Intensive might be exactly what you need.

Move from simply knowing, to embodying, to transforming, and finally to re-creating.

Schedule a private consultation with me here to see if Intensive EMDR is your next step.

---

Erica Wilcox, LPC is an award winning Certified EMDR Therapist and EMDRIA Approved Consultant in East Hampton, CT. She is the Founder and CEO of Wilcox Wellness

Center for Personal Growth and speaks globally about mental health and wellness. She specializes in intensive EMDR therapy and works with clients across the nation who travel to Connecticut for a self-led therapy retreat focused on intensive EMDR and healing.